Things I am grateful for today:

Our health insurance.

The Dana Farber Cancer Institute doctors, staff, volunteers and donors.

That my illness is universally recognized to exist, and there’s a variety of treatment plans with proven success rates, and my insurance covers most of these treatment plans. This is not the case with many other illnesses, including PANDAS/PANS and chronic Lyme disease, two battles currently being waged by those near and dear to my heart.

My bathtub.

That plant that grows in the ground and has been around for as long as humans have, that happens to have many superpowers, one of which is to kill cancer cells. Pharmaceutical companies can’t synthesize the many fabulous benefits of this plant. Oh, and the federal government gets nervous around such awesomeness, so it made it illegal.  Yeah, that one.

My husband.

The smoothie delivery service we started using last week. Game.Changer. (for $20 off an order)

My cat.


Today I can feel it—all of it. I can feel the $70,000 or so worth of cancer-fighting drugs moving through my system (gratefully paid for by our insurance). I can feel the strain of standing firmly for the health and wellness of my family while also fighting for my own. I can feel the impact of the restless nights and steroid-fueled days. My hair follicles are itchy. My GI tract is upset. My body aches and shivers. Today I will surrender to the intensity of this week’s treatment. Today I will allow myself to rest and release. Today I will retreat to my cocoon. It is not yet time to become a butterfly.



About Natural Mama Notes

4.4.2020 I started this blog in September 2014. It was a 38th birthday gift to myself, a fulfillment of a long-held wish to share my perspective on the world. After a breast cancer diagnosis in June 2017, I used my blog to share details of the alternate reality I was experiencing. In September 2017 I used this space to share the trauma and healing of my son, who was diagnosed with PANDAS in May of that year. PANDAS is when a strep infection triggers neuropsychiatric disorders. I completed cancer treatment in December 2018, and haven’t written much since. I felt the need to withdraw as part of my healing process. I deactivated my Facebook account, barely viewed other social media. I’m still hesitant about stepping back out there, but I’m feeling the pull. We’re in a global crisis, and the news is dire. If I can add some levity or a more positive perspective with my writing, that is my hope right now. May you find the gems amongst the rubble.
This entry was posted in Autoimmune illness, cancer, chemo, Dana Farber Cancer Institute, Energy, gratitude, Healing, Health, PANDAS, PANDAS illness, Personal Growth, Release, Retreat, Steroids and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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