Freedom to be

We are fast approaching the end of February, and this is my first blog post of the month (gasp!).  My external silence has not been matched internally.  I’ve been dealing with a whole bevy of emotions, judgements, concerns, and criticisms about wherever it is I am at the moment.  The truth is, I didn’t really feel inspired to write…and so I didn’t.

When I chose to move back to New England from San Diego in 2007, I knew that I was choosing the four seasons again.  The downside of winter remained very clear and sharp for me, but I couldn’t remember the up side…was there an up side?  After my first winter I remembered what that up side was:  for me, winter brings with it the desire and ability to withdraw, to look inward, and to work on some stuff that I often don’t get handled in the more socially connected and outward-focused warmer months.  In a word, winter is for hibernation.  And oh, what a winter this has been!

I started this year with a whole lot of intention.  My over-arching intention is to create a year of RADICAL WELLNESS, whatever the heck that looks like.  To keep in alignment with the idea of radical wellness, I knew I would have to be willing to be uncomfortable; to let go of my own judgments of what this year is supposed to look like; to look at what’s working and what’s not working; and to be open to surprises.  What that means for me this month is giving myself permission to BE EXACTLY WHERE I AM and EXACTLY WHERE I AM NOT.  I just don’t have a whole lot of fight in me right now–I’m using any fight I do have to keep my body warm, my family healthy, my roof from collapsing and my pipes from bursting (and I’m still losing some of those battles!).

Allowing myself to be where I am can be confronting.  There’s a temptation to feel “behind” on things.  I have some Christmas gifts still outstanding, many house and personal projects not yet completed (or even started!), and yet I feel like I’ve barely left the house this past month.  When I shift my focus to what I have accomplished so far this year, I experience Winter 2015 in a completely different light.  I’ve spent a lot of time tucked in at home with my husband and kids, playing games, eating great meals, and basking in each other’s energies as we navigate our way together through the most intense winter I can remember.  THAT is the up side of winter for me.

We’re in the home stretch.  March is around the corner and spring is but a month away.  We have 30 more days to experience the gift of winter and the space for reflection and rest that it provides.  Will you choose to be where you are?

(Here are some pictures from February–my formatting skills are still a work in progress!)

At least we had the afterglow of a Super Bowl win to distract us from winter storm Linus the next day

At least we had the afterglow of a Super Bowl win to distract us from winter storm Linus the next day

Even Lady has been a bit stir crazy--she likes to hang out in the bathtub and we run some water for her every time we go into our bathroom.  Weirdo.

Even Lady has been a bit stir crazy–she likes to hang out in the bathtub and we run some water for her every time we go into our bathroom. Weirdo.

Dylan took home the top prize in the Pinewood Derby this year…his dad and Pepe made a great pit crew!

Dylan took home the top prize in the Pinewood Derby this year…his dad and Pepe made a great pit crew!

Before the Northeast became colder than parts of Antarctica (thanks Weather Channel), the kids enjoyed many hours of fun in the snow.

Before the Northeast became colder than parts of Antarctica (thanks for that fun fact Weather Channel), the kids enjoyed many hours of fun in the snow.

So. Much. Snow.

So. Much. Snow.

About Natural Mama Notes

4.4.2020 I started this blog in September 2014. It was a 38th birthday gift to myself, a fulfillment of a long-held wish to share my perspective on the world. After a breast cancer diagnosis in June 2017, I used my blog to share details of the alternate reality I was experiencing. In September 2017 I used this space to share the trauma and healing of my son, who was diagnosed with PANDAS in May of that year. PANDAS is when a strep infection triggers neuropsychiatric disorders. I completed cancer treatment in December 2018, and haven’t written much since. I felt the need to withdraw as part of my healing process. I deactivated my Facebook account, barely viewed other social media. I’m still hesitant about stepping back out there, but I’m feeling the pull. We’re in a global crisis, and the news is dire. If I can add some levity or a more positive perspective with my writing, that is my hope right now. May you find the gems amongst the rubble.
This entry was posted in Daily Life, Reflections, Sufficiency, Wellness, Year of Radical Wellness and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Freedom to be

  1. Erin says:

    I’m surrendering to the practice of being. Thanks for sharing I’m not alone:-)

    Like

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