We are fast approaching the end of February, and this is my first blog post of the month (gasp!). My external silence has not been matched internally. I’ve been dealing with a whole bevy of emotions, judgements, concerns, and criticisms about wherever it is I am at the moment. The truth is, I didn’t really feel inspired to write…and so I didn’t.
When I chose to move back to New England from San Diego in 2007, I knew that I was choosing the four seasons again. The downside of winter remained very clear and sharp for me, but I couldn’t remember the up side…was there an up side? After my first winter I remembered what that up side was: for me, winter brings with it the desire and ability to withdraw, to look inward, and to work on some stuff that I often don’t get handled in the more socially connected and outward-focused warmer months. In a word, winter is for hibernation. And oh, what a winter this has been!
I started this year with a whole lot of intention. My over-arching intention is to create a year of RADICAL WELLNESS, whatever the heck that looks like. To keep in alignment with the idea of radical wellness, I knew I would have to be willing to be uncomfortable; to let go of my own judgments of what this year is supposed to look like; to look at what’s working and what’s not working; and to be open to surprises. What that means for me this month is giving myself permission to BE EXACTLY WHERE I AM and EXACTLY WHERE I AM NOT. I just don’t have a whole lot of fight in me right now–I’m using any fight I do have to keep my body warm, my family healthy, my roof from collapsing and my pipes from bursting (and I’m still losing some of those battles!).
Allowing myself to be where I am can be confronting. There’s a temptation to feel “behind” on things. I have some Christmas gifts still outstanding, many house and personal projects not yet completed (or even started!), and yet I feel like I’ve barely left the house this past month. When I shift my focus to what I have accomplished so far this year, I experience Winter 2015 in a completely different light. I’ve spent a lot of time tucked in at home with my husband and kids, playing games, eating great meals, and basking in each other’s energies as we navigate our way together through the most intense winter I can remember. THAT is the up side of winter for me.
We’re in the home stretch. March is around the corner and spring is but a month away. We have 30 more days to experience the gift of winter and the space for reflection and rest that it provides. Will you choose to be where you are?
(Here are some pictures from February–my formatting skills are still a work in progress!)
I’m surrendering to the practice of being. Thanks for sharing I’m not alone:-)